A Modest Late October Suggestion to Our President
Dear Mr. Obama:
Have you noticed, as I have, that Halloween stores have popped up like slithy toad stools to occupy every empty retail space in These United States?
Of course you have. Your eyes are everywhere, after all, particularly since you declined to roll back that millstone on civil liberties that is the PATRIOT Act.
But never mind that: we were talking about commercial real estate. Mervynses and Circuit Cities may come and go, but the Eve of All Hallows lingers on.
In the interest of the care and feeding of our Great Recovery, permit me to suggest that your course is plain. You must immediately propound an Executive Order declaring that the last day of every month shall hereafter be celebrated as Halloween, and that the spirit of Giving Back necessarily compels every Good Citizen to participate with Gusto in the Celebration of All That is Dank and Nasty, every thirty days or so. In consequence of this prudent and judicious edict, all of these smilingly entrepreneurial Mom & Pop-up stores will never close, the grand engine of consumer purchase will idle no more, jollity will rollick 'cross the land, and all manner of things shall be well.
In anticipation of your prompt endorsement of this wise and obviously beneficent policy, I remain
Yr. humble servant,
Phooey! And gooey, and p'tui!
Truth be told, I lost most of my interest in Hallowe'en once I figured out that the adults and beer companies had taken it over.
Still, it's a perfectly good excuse to post this video, in which San Diego's own Eben Brooks pays poppish tribute to the Greatest and Oldest of the Great Old Ones. If the President embraces my petition -- with all eight arms, of course -- you'll be hearing this one on the radio all the year 'round.
Extra tentacles, please!~~~
Photo: "Mystic Caverns, Shoggoth?" by Flickr user Clinton Steeds used under Creative Commons license.